Once again I am asked to do an assessment.
Many years ago, a pastor instructed me that if it is repeated, you missed something the first time.
In scripture, if a word is repeated, it takes on an importance that should be noted.
It is the bold faced underlined version.
This holds true with the assessment.
As I quietly review myself, I am not sure it the statements made a few weeks ago are true.
Life changes just as the water in a stream,lake or ocean changes.
Every minute can hold a new discovery or revelation...
In this assessment I am asked to review
my psychospiritual
my biological,
my interpersonal
and my worldly quadrants
Here is one example of how I am seeing these quadrants...
My psychospiritual self is becoming more aware. I believe as I spend time quietly listening and being still, I am actually hearing and listening better.
Not the my actual hearing is improving, but that I am taking time to hear rather just accepting
I missed something. If I am unclear, am going back and asking others to repeat.
In case you are unaware, I am hearing impaired and wear hearing aids in both ears.
Many times either out of embarrassment, shame or just plain laziness,
I would simple assume what was said or pretend I understood.
Today, I can say I am focused more on the "hearing".
My biological self may be losing more of my hearing or I may just be more aware.
I will need to have my hearing rechecked to determine.
In the near future, I may be rechecking. Right now, I am focused on coming to terms with this loss.
I have worn aids for I guess 10 years or more. As I am looking into this assessment, I am discovering a different attitude. This is eye-opening. As I struggled with my loss, I accepted the defeat.
I now am looking at it in a different light.
As I ask others to repeat themselves, I am taking the time to inform and educate.
In this way I am not only impacting the interpersonal but also the worldly areas of my life.
Those closest to me, that have lived or worked with me forget I can not hear.
They turn as they talk. I hate to ask them to repeat but if I truly care, I will ask.
I think while at first it is frustrating for them, they do feel my heart.
For those I meet that are unaware of my limitation, they feel pity at first.
Once explained, they see their on limitations.
I had to explain to one of our doctors a few week ago. He quickly lifted his head and looked me in the eye.
He said that now he was speaking as he should to me.
I think in the crazy busy world, these assessments have a huge impact in changing who we are and how we can change the world...one small change at a time.
Sonya-
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal issues with hearing loss. This is something that I do not struggle with but that I have personal experience with having had a father who lost hearing in both of his ears as well as my fiance who has lost most of his hearing in his right ear. My father was ignored a lot because of this I think. My mom found it hard to have patience with him and whenever he didn't hear something she would get irritated and angry almost instantly. This bothered me growing up but I am ashamed to say that I was influenced by my mother's actions and also became annoyed whenever I had to repeat something. Your post actually made me cry for the shame that I feel in myself for acting this way. My father didn't ask for this to happen to him and neither did my fiance. As much as I understand this I still have a hard time being patient but I am always working on it. I may one day lose my hearing too and wouldn't want people to react the way that I've seen and learned. Thank you so much for sharing this and making me want to work on this area of my own life even more. And what a very kind doctor you have! "One small change at a time" you're right!
Juliette Ries
Hi Juliette,
DeleteI think this is what our class is about...growing past what we were taught. There is no shame because you only followed the teachings and example given by both your parents. The hearing loss was your father's. He needed to educate himself and the family on the extent of the loss. Once he did his part, your mother could have done hers/ This is where I am at...I have no problem letting others know my deafness but to be honest they have no idea of what degree I can and cannot hear unless I tell them. To be able to share that, I need to come to terms with it myself.
This week I am on vacation. My oldest daughter, son in law and grandson are here. I am practicing on them. For the first time in over ten years I am actually discussing what I can and can not hear. It is quite profound and eye-opening!!!!
Sonya, I am happy to hear that you recognize your hearing condition and that you were able to address if directly with the eye doctor who should be more aware of your capacities and/or limitations. Do you find yourself reading lips or watching hand gestures to confirm what you suspected you heard when you conversation with someone? I am curious because if I was in your situation, I would try to further engage my awareness by trying alternative techniques. Your assessment was very detailed as you stated: Assessment, life changes, new discovery, and awareness.
ReplyDeleteHi DHemond,
DeleteWe discovered my hearing loss over 10 years ago. My family suspected and on a whim I went for a test. I was then sent to a second doctor . This doctor did tell me that I was reading lips. I was completely unaware!! Then he covered his mouth and spoke to me. I could hear him but could not make out all the words. The doctor then gave me a set of hearing aids and had my oldest daughter speak to me. I cried. Her voice was very different from what I knew!! I have lost both upper and lower ranges so without my aides, everything sounds flat., if I hear it at all. When I first got the aides, I had to train the brain not to hear everything. Running water gave me a migraine for 2 weeks.
It is interesting that you say " If you were in my shoes..." With any disability, we need to first develop a relationship with the condition. I accepted my condition and use the tools required but I never faced the fact that I felt betrayed by my own body. I was not "in my shoes". I coped and got through...Today, I get anger at the frustrated mom that fusses at the child that talks non-stop. These are sounds that I might lose!!!! Yet, I never , before this class, took the time to actually listen to the nature sounds in my own yard. Like I said this has been quite an education!!!
Hello Sonya,
ReplyDeleteGood Post. It's good that these exercises are helping you to accept your condition and look at it in a positive way. I actually felt inspired from reading your post because it's motivational.
Life is definitely a journey. Part of that journey is finding yourself. It sounds cliche growing up to hear this, however, I do not think that it is true. That is the way life should be anyways. We cannot settle for mediocrity. If we stop learning, then we stop growing. Who wants to stop short of their full potential? I believe that these exercises, if nothing else, aid in putting things in perspective. I think that most people do not give much thought to evolving as a person mentally, physically, and psychologically.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI agree that change starts with us. Each step that an individual takes plays part in the change that has to be made to change the world. Ghandi said to be the change that you want to see. I agree, it has to start somewhere. I enjoyed reading your blog. The display is very cool also.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSonya,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your story. It amazes me how some individuals can overcome obstacles with such a graceful stride. I struggle to find inner peace and feel like it is an uphill battle to handle things that anger me. Life is full of obstacles, and as a mother I am realizing that they continuous and never ending. I think these exercises are beginning to help me understand where I need to begin to handle my personal obstacles. Thank you for sharing.
Sonya,
ReplyDeleteI am always so enlightened by your posts. I actually look forward every week to them. Thank you so much for sharing all the stuff you do. You make me look at the positives of life, and after reading your post, i enjoy going back to the assignment and trying it again with your thoughts in my mind. Thank you.
Colleen
Hi Sonya,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are a very good listener! I have encountered many people whose hearing is intact and they still assume what has been said or just pretend they understand and they have no clue as to what was said. That happens to be a pet peeve of mine. Also, your courage is refreshing! I wish I could be as strong as you are and embrace all of my imperfections and become a stronger and better person like you have. You can never be free until you can totally be yourself. I admire you and thanks for sharing.
I am 90 percent deaf in one of my ears and I kind of know exactly what you mean. It took me a long time to really accept it and to take steps in to really take steps into making sure I heard others. I even got pretty good at lip reading. However, it is not the same as really hearing what they say. Usually the first step in changing how others respond is changing ourselves somehow, because just like math we are a variable in any given circumstance. So, if we change so much, then the outcomes will be different and that can make all the difference in the world.
ReplyDeleteI prefer my meditation to be a little bit more, like self-hypnosis, but I like details and some like to do things in general. However, if you are ever interested in some self-hypnosis exercises, then just let me know, because I know thousands of them.